Freedom

 What's haunting me? What am I avoiding with everything I've got? What's at the core of it? Employment? Responsibilities? Getting up when I most don't want to? What is feeling bad? Not worthy? Not accepted? Over-staying my welcome? Not being as cool as I think? Unnoticed expectations that don't match reality. Work. I don't want to work. I don't want to risk myself in that way.

 Our ultimate/final/only real power to choose our perspective. How we choose to interpret an event. Just type god damn it. Letters, characters, gkjhdfgkfdjgh lsdfkdf ieroepqpsd;lsdksld, jsut get it out, don't think or correct just flow, moving fingertips, clearing the block in my creative energy. God damn it clear it clear it clear it clear it clear it clear it clear it clear it  clear it clear it i dont know whats to come, just let it go, frozen, flow of consciousness, edit it later, oh god that's hard work, i dont wanna do it later, i wanna do what's easy now....channeling my consciousness, unconsciousness, collective unconsciousness, archetypes, facing my problems, admitting my problems, not wanting to face my problems, what are my problems? Flakiness, avoidance, over-indulgence, lack of boundaries/limit-setting, lack of discipline/wanting to do hard uncomfortable things that are good for me (PM flossing, laundry, employment, going to appointments, "What I Love Abou...

 8 Dec 2020 11:15am Thoughts on things. Writing feels like surrender.  _____ 29 Feb 2021 10:00am It's so mysterious, the wounds that lie underneath, lying in wait for uncovering and exposing to the sun and air. I must venture down to them and dig around and bear what they are bearing, but more deliberately and with clear seeing. To bear what they are bearing is to acknowledge that they are part of me and to include them, to validate their part in my existence and the equally valid and enriching part they have to play in my contribution to the world, past, present and future. I find the topic of  "choice" to be supremely relevant at these times. It seems to me that no matter how many times I fail or succeed, fall down or get up...the now I'm currently facing is what matters in the end...in the now! It is this perpetually renewable resource of ending and beginning, of happening. Constantly demanding participation at a level that engages the heart. It doesn't seem to...

 How do I build my life? A solid foundation, a continuity of connection (redundant?), keeping it touch with the contentedness of being or consciousness, proceeding from that, building steadily up, up, up (down, down, down?) into a healthy life.  Inspiration and Manifestation! Eightfold path seems to be a good schematic. 6 Paramitas The eight limbs of yoga seems to be a good schematic. The 7 chakra system (the rainbow bridge) seems to be a good schematic 

Notes from video:  The Nature of Consciousness, Rupert Spira https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R-IIzAblVlg&t=1328s "If we want to speak the truth about the nature of consciousness, experience, or reality we would have to remain silent. And that is why it is said that the highest teaching is silence. "However, very few of us are sufficiently mature enough to intuit the nature of consciousness from silence,and therefore the spiritual traditions have elaborated various paths, various skillful means to tailor to various levels of our understanding. So it is in that spirit that I speak of the nature of consciousness. "And the first thing I would like to do is to give a definition of consciousness, of course consciosness cannot be defined. But this would be a good provisional definition of consciousness: Consciousness is that in which all experience appears, it is that with which all experience is known and it is that out of which all experience is made." --- @6:49 ...

Wow. Each chakra really is a different paradigm. I'm having to re-evaluate everything based on this new feeling of having a choice/will. And its so incredible how free will and fate are merged together from this perspective. There really is no conflict between them. Neither of them feel totally accurate, but those two terms represent different ways of viewing the same thing: Life expressing itself. I leveled up yesterday.  Thanks mom.